Iran’s a bad place. They’re building nuclear weapons. We had to bomb them a few months back, and the country is still dangerous. I put all those warships in the Middle East so that Iran would cave to us in negotiations, but the country is still playing hardball.
It’s almost like they’re religious fanatics who aren’t listening to me.
What’s that? Phone call from Bibi?
Yeah, yeah. I know you want to destroy Iran, but I don’t want any forever wars.
What’s that? Phone call from MBS?
You want to bomb them, too? Can you invest any more money in the United States, so I can show that my trade policies are working? Great. You’ve also only given $2 billion to Jared; could you invest a little more with him?
Gee. Both those guys want me to bomb Iran. And those guys are real leaders: Criminals. Murderers. My kind of guys. Not like those law-abiding weenies in Europe.
What? Another call from Bibi?
All the Iranian leadership will be in one place tomorrow morning? We could kill dozens of them at once? We might never have another opportunity to do this?
Hell, I don’t want to bomb them.
But we can kill a bunch of them. And everyone would think that I’m a hero.
I would be a hero.
The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff keeps telling me that the Iranians will retaliate if we attack. They’ll close the Strait of Hormuz.
I don’t care if they close the Strait of Vermouth. I’m not a drinker, anyway.
We kidnapped one guy from Venezuela, and the whole country surrendered. If we bomb the hell out of Iran, and kill a bunch of leaders, Iran will surrender, too.
They’ll surrender quickly. Before they can close that damn strait.
The chairman also tells me about that enriched uranium in Iran.
He talks about the possibility of our bombing destroying the government. With no government, there could be sectarian violence. Sectarian violence could be a problem with all that uranium lying around.
The chairman is such a fool. I’ve never heard of secretaries getting violent. We’ll bomb Iran and the secretaries will go back to their typing. No problem.
Not only that. Once we bomb the hell out of Iran, the new leaders will come back to the negotiating table. That’ll be great. We’ll be strong, and the new leaders will be weak. They’ll agree to move all the enriched uranium out of the country and to stop their enrichment program.
I’ll have achieved more than Obama ever did.
Obama. All that guy ever did was play golf, the lazy S.O.B.
He was a low-IQ guy.
This is gonna be great.
Bomb Iran. Change the regime. Get rid of the uranium. It’ll probably take a day or two.
No problem.
Hit ’em hard, general!
Show ’em who’s boss.
Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a partner at a leading international law firm and later oversaw litigation, compliance and employment matters at a large international company. He is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Drug and Device Product Liability Litigation Strategy (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at inhouse@abovethelaw.com.
The post I Am Trump’s Brain appeared first on Above the Law.